The Webb-I'm Not Listening
I'm attempting to write my novel (after practically a year of not writing!) and the words are right there for me to write but I can not bring myself to write the words. I guess I'll try again tomorrow night.
I suppose I know what's keeping me from focusing right now. You see, a while ago, my mom told me that I go out and live LIFE.
Well, on Dec.9th, I SHALL LIVE LIFE TO THE FUCKING FULLEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's an Emilie Autumn concert that night and a dear friend of mine is making me a sign so Veronica Varlow can pick me to play "The Motherfucking Rat Game!" up on STAGE. That's right, fucker. On stage!
As a person who can not look at anyone in the face (anymore...) and has real BAD anxiety attacks when surrounding with people is going to get her ass up on stage and kiss the lovely and sexy Veronica Fucking Varlowwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!
I've personally never kissed anyone (never even been kissed on the cheek! O.O) but on Monday night I might (I say might because I saw a video awhile ago and this girl had a sign but she picked someone who didn't even have a sign <.<)!
But there's still a good chance I might be picked. Because that dear friend I mentioned earlier made a sign for someone and she got picked!!!! And he just showed me the sign a while ago and it's fucking prettyyyy and he's going to make me one and send it tomorrow and hopefully it arrives on time!
By possibly kissing Veronica (in front of God knows how many fucking people!!!!!!), I may just cross that off on my little black list and stop worrying so much about what my mom said.
Friday, December 6, 2013
Friday, November 29, 2013
What a shitty move!
I spent all day watching half of The Vampire Diaries (season 1) while I waited for it to be dinner time. When it rolled around, I was expecting just four of us (five, including me) to have a nice dinner. There was one seat at the end of the table. Three on one side and two on the other. And my brother in law was going to sit on the couch at the other end. I was wondering why there was two extra chairs on the other side. Then I heard my sister say, "Bring in one more chair!", I started freaking out and looking around all helpless. I sat down, looking all around me, uncertain and lost.
I thanked nephew for saying sorry to me (I'll explain it in a post and then link it to this post) because of that one time. I thanked bro in law for being a part of the family. I thanked sis for getting me those EA concert tickets. Thanked mom for always being there for me. And then I had to thank those damn idiots too because I had to.
I served myself and started feeling uncomfortable but functional. Second serving, really awkward. Third-ish serving, I needed to get the fuck out of there!
And I did. And I never came back out of the room. Went into the bathroom, put my fist in my mouth, bit it (because I wanted to scream "FUCK!") and then threw down the toilet paper to the ground. Came back out and started trembling and whenever I heard my sister laugh, my stomach would clench and tighten.
I thanked nephew for saying sorry to me (I'll explain it in a post and then link it to this post) because of that one time. I thanked bro in law for being a part of the family. I thanked sis for getting me those EA concert tickets. Thanked mom for always being there for me. And then I had to thank those damn idiots too because I had to.
I served myself and started feeling uncomfortable but functional. Second serving, really awkward. Third-ish serving, I needed to get the fuck out of there!
And I did. And I never came back out of the room. Went into the bathroom, put my fist in my mouth, bit it (because I wanted to scream "FUCK!") and then threw down the toilet paper to the ground. Came back out and started trembling and whenever I heard my sister laugh, my stomach would clench and tighten.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
What a treat on Halloween
On August of 25th, I sent a little message to a band called The Webb that I mentioned them in my novel, "Nocturnal Mermaid". They were pleased.
Crystal Ramos *Feels
a chill* Hi! *Hugs* I got a chill (okay, it's cold too) but mainly
because I just typed The Webb in the very first (very first band to be
mentioned, actually!) chapter. But it's coming out just nicely! It's
more than lovely that you remember. Means a lot to me.
Crystal Ramos I
don't normally do this (to bands at least lol) but would you like to
read the first chapter? It's a work in progress currently. Or would you
wait until the finished chapter or novel? Leaving it up to you. x
The Webb feel free to e mail your 1st chapter as a nice taster for us.. e mail is listentothesirens@hotmail.co.uk x thanx
Crystal Ramos ^.^
As you wish. Look forward to the new album! And thanks! xxxxxx Have a
fangtastic Halloween. And I'll send the first taster. Hehe.
***And here is the e-mail***
Hey Crystal
We
read your first chapter together and loved it. Fast moving, visually
atmospheric and full of intrigue! Great characters too, all with their
own personalities and sparkling conversation. You’ve got the goth vibe
down to perfection. It is screaming out to be made into a movie, and
you’ve got a cool soundtrack to accompany it!!! Thanks to the power of
Google, we have researched the likes of The Shroud, Ayria and
Blutengel... all of whom we hadn't heard before. There are SO many cool
bands out there!
Thanks for having one of our songs on in the club! Let’s go there tonight and dance!!
Looking forward to seeing what’s in store for young Scarlett!
Hope
you don't mind us pointing out something in the sentence beginning “She
motioned...” Presume it should read either “as she led me inside”,
OR “and led me inside”. Obviously a proof reader would flag things like
this up when it goes to print!
Hope
you enjoy the rest of your writing, and relish the whole process. Our
friend Die Booth, the author, loves Be My Lover too!! We had fun making
that video. Me meandering down the alleyway behind our house in a
charity shop bought wedding dress! And marc standing on the pavement
,videoing it!
Presume we
have a time difference??! It is 12.15pm here. Both off work today,
getting ready for our trick OR treat visitors later on! Thanx again for
letting us read chapter one. Lots of literary love and little black
roses. Becki and Marc AKA The Webb xxxx
💕 Friday, August 30, 2013
Look much deeper
If I said I wanted you back because obviously that
whole thing in Affinity about your soul withering if it can't reach its
other half is true.......what might your answer be?
Yes I really want you back. Not having you has been much worse than waiting for you. I would much rather wait and know you'll be waiting for me too than wait alone and hope you'll still be there later.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This was her question to me that she told me to wait for. The question that caught me off-guard.
What she REALLY means is that she wants to string me along, to wait for the next big thing.
I mean, fuck, she doesn't even want to meet me in person. She has college and she wants to be a teacher and that takes up a lot of time.
And she doesn't want to meet me during her breaks or in-between.
Yes I really want you back. Not having you has been much worse than waiting for you. I would much rather wait and know you'll be waiting for me too than wait alone and hope you'll still be there later.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This was her question to me that she told me to wait for. The question that caught me off-guard.
What she REALLY means is that she wants to string me along, to wait for the next big thing.
I mean, fuck, she doesn't even want to meet me in person. She has college and she wants to be a teacher and that takes up a lot of time.
And she doesn't want to meet me during her breaks or in-between.
A rant
It seems every time that I go into the "Fashion District", I have something to blog about...
Today, I went with my sister to buy shoes and leggings for my trip to Las Vegas (leaving on Tuesday!).
We go into a store and I notice this woman. She has nice hair (and everything else-including her jeans with a striped top). She turns around and I naturally direct my gaze down.
I can't help it, okay?
Anyway, I'm totally checking her out and she turns around too quick.
And then she starts boasting about her boyfriend to her mother or whatever the fuck she is.
The shoes in the store don't look good anyway so I just gesture to my sister to get out of there.
As we walk out, she tells her mom that I checked her out.
Safely away from her ears, I tell my sister that that bitch didn't need to spell it out. I got her the first time that she had a boyfriend.
But later on, I felt like shit.
8/30/13 edit: I'm okay now. The feeling like shit has passed ever since I came back from Las Vegas. I suppose I really let loose in Vegas and I saw some Playboy bunnies (one had a real good ass!).
<3
Today, I went with my sister to buy shoes and leggings for my trip to Las Vegas (leaving on Tuesday!).
We go into a store and I notice this woman. She has nice hair (and everything else-including her jeans with a striped top). She turns around and I naturally direct my gaze down.
I can't help it, okay?
Anyway, I'm totally checking her out and she turns around too quick.
And then she starts boasting about her boyfriend to her mother or whatever the fuck she is.
The shoes in the store don't look good anyway so I just gesture to my sister to get out of there.
As we walk out, she tells her mom that I checked her out.
Safely away from her ears, I tell my sister that that bitch didn't need to spell it out. I got her the first time that she had a boyfriend.
But later on, I felt like shit.
8/30/13 edit: I'm okay now. The feeling like shit has passed ever since I came back from Las Vegas. I suppose I really let loose in Vegas and I saw some Playboy bunnies (one had a real good ass!).
<3
Need to fucking stop this right NOW
There was this gay facebook page and it said to add friends. So, I put in my two cents and I met this girl.
We started talking about my novel, I suggested the book Carmilla and she told me she would go check it out. And having someone actually go and check something out that you yourself suggested, is rare.
We started messaging and she got all flirty and I took it like that and we would talk all normally and then we'd go back to being flirty.
Who wouldn't get mixed signals? I mean, friends don't flirt with each other.
At least I don't think so. But I just confronted her about it right now and she said that her friends did that to her all the time.
Now, how am I supposed to take this?
Should I just shut down my emotions every time I talk to her and just view her as one big fucking joke?
It appears I'd have to do this...
We started talking about my novel, I suggested the book Carmilla and she told me she would go check it out. And having someone actually go and check something out that you yourself suggested, is rare.
We started messaging and she got all flirty and I took it like that and we would talk all normally and then we'd go back to being flirty.
Who wouldn't get mixed signals? I mean, friends don't flirt with each other.
At least I don't think so. But I just confronted her about it right now and she said that her friends did that to her all the time.
Now, how am I supposed to take this?
Should I just shut down my emotions every time I talk to her and just view her as one big fucking joke?
It appears I'd have to do this...
Friday, June 28, 2013
So.......
I'm just going to ignore my nephew and his muttering under his breath.
His talk backs? I'll just sigh sadly and shake my head, feeling bad for him.
He'll be out of here by August. And so will the dog.
For now on, I'll just work on my novel and doing whatever else on the internet.
And I will ignore him. I will not answer him or even notice him.
He doesn't exist.
:/
His talk backs? I'll just sigh sadly and shake my head, feeling bad for him.
He'll be out of here by August. And so will the dog.
For now on, I'll just work on my novel and doing whatever else on the internet.
And I will ignore him. I will not answer him or even notice him.
He doesn't exist.
:/
Holy fucking shit!
Melissa Ferrick-Home
I had a panic attack six hours ago.
You see, my nephew is talking back to his mom, my mom and even me!
He thinks everything is a fucking joke, he always has to have the last word and he always keeps running his little foul mouth. He's eight, I think?
He's been complaining that his mom doesn't get him anything. Even though he has a kinect game thing, an x-box 360, nerf guns and toys, and a fucking PHONE!
It hurts me (and pisses me off to no end!) to see him right now and what he'd become when he gets older.
He has threatened me two times. Once in front of his mother and she gave him an earful.
And I'm scared. I am fucking scared of what he's going to become.
But it's not my place to do anything about it because he's not my son (Thank God!!!!!!!!!!).
At 11, my sister made him take a shower and told him to watch a show. I didn't know what they were talking about because I was watching Conan.
He gets out of the shower, sis tells me to put on the show and it's about these 12-18 teens that are little pieces of shits, right? And they are given a little tour of where they would end up if they kept walking the wrong path they were on. By the end, they're supposed to "see the light" and change their ways and if they don't, well then they're just a lost cause.
Anyway, my mom said that I should have been sent there. My heart starts to beat faster and faster. I rush to the bathroom and start poking my heart with two fingers and try to feel for a pulse (don't ask why!). My arms start to feel numb and tingly. My hands start shaking. My breathing starts picking up and starts to get shallow.
I did a quick Google and found out that I was having a panic attack. For five minutes, I thought I was having a heart attack.
I talked to my sister and she said, "you're crazy!".
Yeah........
I don't know why I get so surprised each time.
After talking to someone (Kristin) I've calmed down.
I'm going to try and sleep now...
I had a panic attack six hours ago.
You see, my nephew is talking back to his mom, my mom and even me!
He thinks everything is a fucking joke, he always has to have the last word and he always keeps running his little foul mouth. He's eight, I think?
He's been complaining that his mom doesn't get him anything. Even though he has a kinect game thing, an x-box 360, nerf guns and toys, and a fucking PHONE!
It hurts me (and pisses me off to no end!) to see him right now and what he'd become when he gets older.
He has threatened me two times. Once in front of his mother and she gave him an earful.
And I'm scared. I am fucking scared of what he's going to become.
But it's not my place to do anything about it because he's not my son (Thank God!!!!!!!!!!).
At 11, my sister made him take a shower and told him to watch a show. I didn't know what they were talking about because I was watching Conan.
He gets out of the shower, sis tells me to put on the show and it's about these 12-18 teens that are little pieces of shits, right? And they are given a little tour of where they would end up if they kept walking the wrong path they were on. By the end, they're supposed to "see the light" and change their ways and if they don't, well then they're just a lost cause.
Anyway, my mom said that I should have been sent there. My heart starts to beat faster and faster. I rush to the bathroom and start poking my heart with two fingers and try to feel for a pulse (don't ask why!). My arms start to feel numb and tingly. My hands start shaking. My breathing starts picking up and starts to get shallow.
I did a quick Google and found out that I was having a panic attack. For five minutes, I thought I was having a heart attack.
I talked to my sister and she said, "you're crazy!".
Yeah........
I don't know why I get so surprised each time.
After talking to someone (Kristin) I've calmed down.
I'm going to try and sleep now...
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
And I'm afraid again!
Emilie Autumn-Alas (The Knight)
My mom just told me that my sister told her that she and her husband are to find a place and leave me and my mom on our own.
For the time being!
I don't know how long that will take.
I've been washing the dishes but lately I haven't been doing it.
I should and will be more stern with myself now. Even if I don't want to, I'll still do it. I can just grab my mp3 player and all is fine (and fun!).
I don't know who is telling the truth. All that is left now is to wait.
My mom just told me that my sister told her that she and her husband are to find a place and leave me and my mom on our own.
For the time being!
I don't know how long that will take.
I've been washing the dishes but lately I haven't been doing it.
I should and will be more stern with myself now. Even if I don't want to, I'll still do it. I can just grab my mp3 player and all is fine (and fun!).
I don't know who is telling the truth. All that is left now is to wait.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
How can I find my footing and not drown?
So, I'm not seeing a therapist. My mom won't help me find one. I was supposed to see one like two month ago (remember this?) but she never called me back and never answered my calls.
So, fuck her.
So, how can I find my footing on my own, with no outside help. Is that even fucking safe?
I don't want to drown, I want to find someplace dry and safe.
I'm not getting a therapist anytime soon. I'm painfully aware of that. I have no friends (also painfully aware and I am trying to convince myself that I do not need friends and that I'm better off) to actually hang out with and talk.
Online, yeah. I suppose.
Bethany and I won't be talking until August (which is when I'll be moving and hopefully be in such better spirits!). I'm trying to deal with that.
I'm currently looking for things to help me lead me to drylands.
Hopefully a mermaid and let's hope she's fucking nice and not thirsty.
So, fuck her.
So, how can I find my footing on my own, with no outside help. Is that even fucking safe?
I don't want to drown, I want to find someplace dry and safe.
I'm not getting a therapist anytime soon. I'm painfully aware of that. I have no friends (also painfully aware and I am trying to convince myself that I do not need friends and that I'm better off) to actually hang out with and talk.
Online, yeah. I suppose.
Bethany and I won't be talking until August (which is when I'll be moving and hopefully be in such better spirits!). I'm trying to deal with that.
I'm currently looking for things to help me lead me to drylands.
Hopefully a mermaid and let's hope she's fucking nice and not thirsty.
Some maid-of-honor
Music: Emilie Autumn-Swallow (The Opheliac Companion)
My sister is getting married in 15 days. I've got the dress, the shoes and the fishnets (almost wrote fish sticks). I just need a garter belt and a necklace.
My sister messaged me one day asking me if I could keep a secret. I lied and she told me that she was beginning to have second thoughts on marrying the bastard. But I guess she figured that she should just go ahead and just go on with it after paying for shit.
I'm glad and do not regret not wanting to help out my sister on her wedding stuff.
I won't be a maid of honor to someone who hasn't been much honorable to me.
I also found out that I won't be left alone with my mom after all. My sister is looking for a much bigger place. And I hope that I get my own room.
I have things on hold that I am ready to start on right away (tarot reading and my autobiography to name a few).
When my sister announced that I would be left alone with my mom to take care of her, I was lost and deathly afraid.
But now finding out that it's not the case anymore, I can breathe.
But knowing that, why am I still holding my breath and waiting for the absolute worst?
It's sad that I can never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever fucking EVER, rest and be certain.
My sister is getting married in 15 days. I've got the dress, the shoes and the fishnets (almost wrote fish sticks). I just need a garter belt and a necklace.
My sister messaged me one day asking me if I could keep a secret. I lied and she told me that she was beginning to have second thoughts on marrying the bastard. But I guess she figured that she should just go ahead and just go on with it after paying for shit.
I'm glad and do not regret not wanting to help out my sister on her wedding stuff.
I won't be a maid of honor to someone who hasn't been much honorable to me.
I also found out that I won't be left alone with my mom after all. My sister is looking for a much bigger place. And I hope that I get my own room.
I have things on hold that I am ready to start on right away (tarot reading and my autobiography to name a few).
When my sister announced that I would be left alone with my mom to take care of her, I was lost and deathly afraid.
But now finding out that it's not the case anymore, I can breathe.
But knowing that, why am I still holding my breath and waiting for the absolute worst?
It's sad that I can never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever fucking EVER, rest and be certain.
Monday, June 10, 2013
That's one thing to cross off the list!
Otep-Baby's Breath
My sister woke me up to invite me out to eat. Knowing that there was nothing in the fridge, I got dressed and went.
Once we got a seat, I just got it over with and grabbed a plate and then dug in.
My sister and her husband were seated in front of me and my mom was beside me.
As I ate, I was aware of every little movement I was making.
I glanced at my sis and I got more angrier and angrier.
That subsided and it somehow turned into depression. I just couldn't eat anymore, so I was just moping just stirring my drink, staring at the table and then occasionally laughing at dumb jokes and then smiling nervously because sis kept staring at me.
My sister asked me if I was going to get up and get seconds. I put it off by saying, "Later."
Once we got a seat, I just got it over with and grabbed a plate and then dug in.
My sister and her husband were seated in front of me and my mom was beside me.
As I ate, I was aware of every little movement I was making.
I glanced at my sis and I got more angrier and angrier.
That subsided and it somehow turned into depression. I just couldn't eat anymore, so I was just moping just stirring my drink, staring at the table and then occasionally laughing at dumb jokes and then smiling nervously because sis kept staring at me.
My sister asked me if I was going to get up and get seconds. I put it off by saying, "Later."
I wasn't going to get seconds. I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to go home and fucking cry and sleep.
Her husband kept commenting why I didn't eat so I got up and got some ice cream just to shut him up.
Her husband kept commenting why I didn't eat so I got up and got some ice cream just to shut him up.
And
then when I came back, he said how he wished he was somebody else so he
could slap me because I was throwing a "tantrum". Even though I was
just staring at stuff and trying so hard not to cry.
I glared at him and was like "Excuse me?" and he pointed to my sister and she just nodded. And then he rudely says, "I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to your mom!" As if that makes a bloody fucking difference!
And
instead of my mom defending me, she says, "Yeah, she called the police
on me once." and he starts kissing major ass and says, "But, you're such
a kind person!".
I was in total shock but kept eating my ice cream trying to breathe slowly.
Mom
starts going on and on about how closed off I am in public and he says,
"So, she'll be locked up in her room forever?"
And beyond that question, I wasn't paying attention anymore. I kept checking my pulse in my neck (Don't ask me why >.<), breathing slowly and my eyes fixed on the ice cream. My breathing getting faster and more shallower, I notice that my stomach was tensing like I wanted to scream my lungs out. Not wanting to do that, I throw down the spoon, grab my purse and run outside to let it out.
And boy, did I let it out.
I didn't go back inside. I didn't want to so I just waited for them outside.
Back in the car, I drowned them out with music and stared blankly out the window.
My sister and her dear, dear *gags* husband, had plans apparently (bitch doesn't complain that she was tired for that <.<) so he comments if they should leave me at home or something. My sister and mom start saying how that was a lovely idea.
But I don't get dropped off. Instead, my sister has him go to a mall. My sister and her husband go somewhere else while my mom and I go to a clothing store. I didn't want to check out clothes. I just wanted to fucking curl up and sleep forever.
To calm myself down, I just told myself to calm down and that I had all night to cry.
But it's now two in the morning and no tears.
I am okay right now. I'm not exactly a bundle of happy, happy, happy!
But I'm okay.
And I am okay with feeling okay. Just as long as I don't feel like I'm drowning, I'm okay. I can breathe and for that, I am grateful.
I am not looking forward to the next "drowning". Which I fear will happen today.
We shall see...
Otep-I, alone
Edit: It didn't happen. I can still breathe.
And beyond that question, I wasn't paying attention anymore. I kept checking my pulse in my neck (Don't ask me why >.<), breathing slowly and my eyes fixed on the ice cream. My breathing getting faster and more shallower, I notice that my stomach was tensing like I wanted to scream my lungs out. Not wanting to do that, I throw down the spoon, grab my purse and run outside to let it out.
And boy, did I let it out.
I didn't go back inside. I didn't want to so I just waited for them outside.
Back in the car, I drowned them out with music and stared blankly out the window.
My sister and her dear, dear *gags* husband, had plans apparently (bitch doesn't complain that she was tired for that <.<) so he comments if they should leave me at home or something. My sister and mom start saying how that was a lovely idea.
But I don't get dropped off. Instead, my sister has him go to a mall. My sister and her husband go somewhere else while my mom and I go to a clothing store. I didn't want to check out clothes. I just wanted to fucking curl up and sleep forever.
To calm myself down, I just told myself to calm down and that I had all night to cry.
But it's now two in the morning and no tears.
I am okay right now. I'm not exactly a bundle of happy, happy, happy!
But I'm okay.
And I am okay with feeling okay. Just as long as I don't feel like I'm drowning, I'm okay. I can breathe and for that, I am grateful.
I am not looking forward to the next "drowning". Which I fear will happen today.
We shall see...
Otep-I, alone
Edit: It didn't happen. I can still breathe.
No need
Hungry Lucy-Blame
The day before Friday, my sister and I had plans to visit this place where the concert would be held. I wake up all excited. Sis told me that she came home that day because it would be the last day of work for her. I wake up at twelve. I had 20 minutes to get ready. So, I take a shower and then get dressed.
Sis comes home and she asks me where I was headed.
Thinking she's fucking around, I tell her that we were supposed to go to that one thing. She tells me that she was too tired. She leaves and I angrily take off my clothes and put on my dress.
By the time the food was ready, sister comes back and I give her a little look. She notices this and calls me out on it.
I tell her that I have been waiting for her.
She goes on to say that she has been working (she sits on her fat ass all day and occasionally monitors the bathrooms!).
"I have been waiting!" I yell.
"And what do you do? You sit all day being lazy!"
I repeat what I shouted and she gets all condescending, saying, "Oh, poor you! You've been waiting!"
And what happens after that?
I lay down, start crying and then I hit the side of my head really hard two times.
After the "rush" ends, mom comes home and my sister tells her what happened. What does my mom do?
She fucking laughs!
Hours later, my sister takes a shower and then gets dressed to go out and get food.
Fuck her!!!!!!!!
Otep-Apex
The day before Friday, my sister and I had plans to visit this place where the concert would be held. I wake up all excited. Sis told me that she came home that day because it would be the last day of work for her. I wake up at twelve. I had 20 minutes to get ready. So, I take a shower and then get dressed.
Sis comes home and she asks me where I was headed.
Thinking she's fucking around, I tell her that we were supposed to go to that one thing. She tells me that she was too tired. She leaves and I angrily take off my clothes and put on my dress.
By the time the food was ready, sister comes back and I give her a little look. She notices this and calls me out on it.
I tell her that I have been waiting for her.
She goes on to say that she has been working (she sits on her fat ass all day and occasionally monitors the bathrooms!).
"I have been waiting!" I yell.
"And what do you do? You sit all day being lazy!"
I repeat what I shouted and she gets all condescending, saying, "Oh, poor you! You've been waiting!"
And what happens after that?
I lay down, start crying and then I hit the side of my head really hard two times.
After the "rush" ends, mom comes home and my sister tells her what happened. What does my mom do?
She fucking laughs!
Hours later, my sister takes a shower and then gets dressed to go out and get food.
Fuck her!!!!!!!!
Otep-Apex
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Not at ALL what I had in mind
It wasn't even the type of laser surgery you would think.
I went in and waited. The cute nurse (who kind of looks like Emily Perkins) applied eyedrops into that one eye and then had me sign a contract.
And the other cute nurse (who looks like Clea Duvall) told me to come in. Went into a room and was told to sit down in front of a machine that had handles. Did it and Clea sat behind the machine (I was more nervous of her leg touching mine than the laser eye thing that was going to happen). She went away and then in came that same Dr from before.
It was some weird flashy zappy shit that happened. It didn't hurt but the the sound of the naps followed by the flash, startled me. Again, it did not hurt but there was some light pressure.
He kept saying, "You're doing great. Almost done!".
To keep myself entertained and amused, I thought to myself, "That's what she said!" to his "Almost done" thing.
It helped. And Clea held the back of my head (found out later that she didn't want to because I wouldn't lean back but my sister urged her to do it)
When it was over, he said that I would see much clearer the same night. And he told me that I could stop using the eyedrops. And I didn't have to come in to do the surgery in two months (now one more month to go).
I'm basking in the resting. And the fact that Clea held the back of my head and almost touched my leg.
And Emily saying that I cut my "pretty long hair" (it was very damaged!) while she applied the eyedrop.
Well, there you go.
I went in and waited. The cute nurse (who kind of looks like Emily Perkins) applied eyedrops into that one eye and then had me sign a contract.
And the other cute nurse (who looks like Clea Duvall) told me to come in. Went into a room and was told to sit down in front of a machine that had handles. Did it and Clea sat behind the machine (I was more nervous of her leg touching mine than the laser eye thing that was going to happen). She went away and then in came that same Dr from before.
It was some weird flashy zappy shit that happened. It didn't hurt but the the sound of the naps followed by the flash, startled me. Again, it did not hurt but there was some light pressure.
He kept saying, "You're doing great. Almost done!".
To keep myself entertained and amused, I thought to myself, "That's what she said!" to his "Almost done" thing.
It helped. And Clea held the back of my head (found out later that she didn't want to because I wouldn't lean back but my sister urged her to do it)
When it was over, he said that I would see much clearer the same night. And he told me that I could stop using the eyedrops. And I didn't have to come in to do the surgery in two months (now one more month to go).
I'm basking in the resting. And the fact that Clea held the back of my head and almost touched my leg.
And Emily saying that I cut my "pretty long hair" (it was very damaged!) while she applied the eyedrop.
Well, there you go.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Fucking shit
Jen Foster-She
It's 5:44 AM and I'm still awake. Mainly due to nerves but mostly because I woke up seven at night.
Of course I am fucking terrified right now. I am going to be wide awake during the procedure.
I was going to try and mentally prepare myself beforehand but no matter how hard I tried to shrug it off, the nerves kept tugging.
So, I have just decided to just basically say "Fuck it!" and go through with it. Nerves or not, I'm just going go with the fucking flow.
Talking with Bethany distracted me but it didn't calm me down.
Music is helping.
My laser eye surgery isn't until 3:30 PM.
I'm not quite sure if I should go to sleep now or stay up.
Although sleep is of course calling my name. Not quite why NOW instead of many hours ago.
I think I'll go to sleep now. It's either get a good shut eye or risk falling asleep on the slab-I mean table.
I have decided to just think about my novel while my eye is being operated on.
So, I'm going to sleep now and I'll come back once I'm healed and I'll report what happened.
It's 5:44 AM and I'm still awake. Mainly due to nerves but mostly because I woke up seven at night.
Of course I am fucking terrified right now. I am going to be wide awake during the procedure.
I was going to try and mentally prepare myself beforehand but no matter how hard I tried to shrug it off, the nerves kept tugging.
So, I have just decided to just basically say "Fuck it!" and go through with it. Nerves or not, I'm just going go with the fucking flow.
Talking with Bethany distracted me but it didn't calm me down.
Music is helping.
My laser eye surgery isn't until 3:30 PM.
I'm not quite sure if I should go to sleep now or stay up.
Although sleep is of course calling my name. Not quite why NOW instead of many hours ago.
I think I'll go to sleep now. It's either get a good shut eye or risk falling asleep on the slab-I mean table.
I have decided to just think about my novel while my eye is being operated on.
So, I'm going to sleep now and I'll come back once I'm healed and I'll report what happened.
Friday, April 5, 2013
If I can change anything, what would I change?
Is what my new-ish therapist asked me right now on the phone. I'm going to meet her the day after my birthday. At two. I have to bring my I.D and then medical card shit and then the income bill.
I have to answer that question now.
So, what would I change?
I would change the way I talk. And that includes lack of too. I pause in a sentence. People say I talk in "broken sentences". I talk too quietly. I feel like I stumble over my words sometimes.
What else would I change?
I have to answer that question now.
So, what would I change?
I would change the way I talk. And that includes lack of too. I pause in a sentence. People say I talk in "broken sentences". I talk too quietly. I feel like I stumble over my words sometimes.
What else would I change?
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Lesbian Bed Death-Goth Girls Are Easy
So, I got a dress. It wasn't at all what I had in mind. Like...at all, at all!
<.<
But it'll do for the occasion and probably others. I like the dress. It's decent and it's KIND OF dark-ish.
I got a new hair cut. Forgot to post it in the other post.
I like it. Okay, I'm starting to like it.
I got a new hair cut because Summer is approaching and I get really annoyed by my long hair and I decided to just fucking cut it.
And I also because I needed a little change.
So, what is going on in my world?
Mmmmm, not much. Sleeping all day and writing all night. I'm still stuck on chapter seventeen. But I am planning on ending it tonight. Just to get it over with and fucking MOVE on!
I already know what chapter seventeen is going to be about. Scarlet is going to reflect on her life. And the mermaids.
So, I got a dress. It wasn't at all what I had in mind. Like...at all, at all!
<.<
But it'll do for the occasion and probably others. I like the dress. It's decent and it's KIND OF dark-ish.
I got a new hair cut. Forgot to post it in the other post.
I like it. Okay, I'm starting to like it.
I got a new hair cut because Summer is approaching and I get really annoyed by my long hair and I decided to just fucking cut it.
And I also because I needed a little change.
So, what is going on in my world?
Mmmmm, not much. Sleeping all day and writing all night. I'm still stuck on chapter seventeen. But I am planning on ending it tonight. Just to get it over with and fucking MOVE on!
I already know what chapter seventeen is going to be about. Scarlet is going to reflect on her life. And the mermaids.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Meh
Miss FD-Losing Ground
I don't know what I was expecting yesterday. I got all dressed up and then we met up with them at Denny's. We ate, they chatted. And that was it. Got a few laughs from them.
After that, we headed home because it was raining. We didn't have our sweaters. So, we went home and I got some DVDs from this lady (I got the cartoon version of Alice In Wonderland, The Room mate and then Argo because Clea Duvall is in it <3).
Ate and then watched Alice and next thing you know, I wake up at eight forty five, staring at the root menu of the dvd.
On April 25th, I have to go through with the laser eye surgery shit.
I'm trying so hard NOT to think about it but it's the first of April and it's kind of hard not to, you know?
Well, it's Monday and you know what that means!!
Lost Girl and Being Human are on tonight *Twirls around* AAAND I get my paycheck.
I'll worry about the surgery shit the day AFTER my birthday.
Seriously.
I don't know what I was expecting yesterday. I got all dressed up and then we met up with them at Denny's. We ate, they chatted. And that was it. Got a few laughs from them.
After that, we headed home because it was raining. We didn't have our sweaters. So, we went home and I got some DVDs from this lady (I got the cartoon version of Alice In Wonderland, The Room mate and then Argo because Clea Duvall is in it <3).
Ate and then watched Alice and next thing you know, I wake up at eight forty five, staring at the root menu of the dvd.
On April 25th, I have to go through with the laser eye surgery shit.
I'm trying so hard NOT to think about it but it's the first of April and it's kind of hard not to, you know?
Well, it's Monday and you know what that means!!
Lost Girl and Being Human are on tonight *Twirls around* AAAND I get my paycheck.
I'll worry about the surgery shit the day AFTER my birthday.
Seriously.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Need to look for dresses
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Damn
Bella Lune-Denial
So, I went to the go get my eye checked.
The nurse gave me a bouquet of flowers and told me that the Dr. gave it to all his patients (Well, no fucking shit. Thanks for subtly telling me, "You're no one special. He does this all the time!". Fuck you, bitch!!!!!! Let me feel fucking special for once!!!).
So, awwwwwww (and awwwwww <.<) at that.
Met up with the Dr and then he told me that he left one percent of the cataract in (so I have to have it removed by a laser. Fucking shit!).
I got mad when he gave me the flowers because I wanted to tell him that I still was alive.
Why am I saying this?
Because the last time I met with him, I asked if I could be put to sleep and he said that there might be a chance that I might not wake up (die).
YEAHHHHHHHHHHH.
So, imagine that, huh?
And if I did tell him that, I would seem like an ungrateful bitch.
So far, no date for the next operation (for the other eye).
I have to return on Tuesday at two something.
Ugh. I don't wanna go. I like two of the nurses that work there and I get SUPERRRRRR nervous around them. One looks like Emily Perkins (from Ginger Snaps) and the other one looks like a distant cousin of Kimberly Freeman (from One-Eyed Doll).
No Doubt-Looking Hot
So, I went to the go get my eye checked.
The nurse gave me a bouquet of flowers and told me that the Dr. gave it to all his patients (Well, no fucking shit. Thanks for subtly telling me, "You're no one special. He does this all the time!". Fuck you, bitch!!!!!! Let me feel fucking special for once!!!).
So, awwwwwww (and awwwwww <.<) at that.
Met up with the Dr and then he told me that he left one percent of the cataract in (so I have to have it removed by a laser. Fucking shit!).
I got mad when he gave me the flowers because I wanted to tell him that I still was alive.
Why am I saying this?
Because the last time I met with him, I asked if I could be put to sleep and he said that there might be a chance that I might not wake up (die).
YEAHHHHHHHHHHH.
So, imagine that, huh?
And if I did tell him that, I would seem like an ungrateful bitch.
So far, no date for the next operation (for the other eye).
I have to return on Tuesday at two something.
Ugh. I don't wanna go. I like two of the nurses that work there and I get SUPERRRRRR nervous around them. One looks like Emily Perkins (from Ginger Snaps) and the other one looks like a distant cousin of Kimberly Freeman (from One-Eyed Doll).
No Doubt-Looking Hot
I would endure it one more time. That's it.
Bella Lune-Never Where
So, after coming from the surgery, I could not walk. Had to lean against my mom and look down.
Sat up in bed and ate soup and drank lemonade. Felt sort of better. I dozed off at some point. Woke up and I tried to watch TV. I couldn't. It hurt too much and the voices were making me dizzy. Then I got a headache. It got stronger. Started crying. And then I threw up.
And I felt so much fucking better.
I tried to eat an hour later. I didn't feel like eating so I just listened to music and fell asleep.
Woke up, brushed my teeth and then took a shower. Got out and got dressed. My mom took off my eyepatch (I was somewhere in-between telling her no and wanting to rip it off).
And everything was clear.
So, after coming from the surgery, I could not walk. Had to lean against my mom and look down.
Sat up in bed and ate soup and drank lemonade. Felt sort of better. I dozed off at some point. Woke up and I tried to watch TV. I couldn't. It hurt too much and the voices were making me dizzy. Then I got a headache. It got stronger. Started crying. And then I threw up.
And I felt so much fucking better.
I tried to eat an hour later. I didn't feel like eating so I just listened to music and fell asleep.
Woke up, brushed my teeth and then took a shower. Got out and got dressed. My mom took off my eyepatch (I was somewhere in-between telling her no and wanting to rip it off).
And everything was clear.
So
Melissa Ferrick-Singing With The Wind
Remember when I said that I didn't expect the people from vampirefreaks to e-mail me back?
Yeah, they never did e-mail me back.
Told ya!
Remember when I said that I didn't expect the people from vampirefreaks to e-mail me back?
Yeah, they never did e-mail me back.
Told ya!
Pending doom
Melissa Ferrick-Still Right Here
So, it all went okay. The van was 30 minutes later. No complaints from me. It was nice, waiting. During the ride, I listened to Kimberly Freeman and One-Eyed Doll. That calmed me down.
So, mom and I entered the building. Mom was told to wait somewhere else. So, I was left to my own devices. The lady had me sign my name on a few papers. Was left alone and then called in to take my blood pressure. I was pretty nervous. She put some eyedrops. Told to wait outside. Got called in again and then asked to pee in a cup. I laughed. But peed anyway. Then I got sent in. There was piano melodies playing. This was hell, I thought.
Lied down and tried to relax. A guy came over and tapped the back of my hand to get my veins popping out of my hand. He inserted that shit in (fucker hurt for like ohhhh, ten seconds?). Then he put some clear tube thing in my nose.
And then he came back and said that I'd feel something cold being put in. I shrugged and waited. And then next thing you know, I'm waking up very fucking hazy and moaning. My mouth was fucking DRY as a motherfucker! I asked if I had my operation and that I was so very thirsty. Then I dozed off. Woke up and saw my mom at my side. Asked if she was really there. She nodded and said yes.
Melissa Ferrick-One Of A Kind
So, it all went okay. The van was 30 minutes later. No complaints from me. It was nice, waiting. During the ride, I listened to Kimberly Freeman and One-Eyed Doll. That calmed me down.
So, mom and I entered the building. Mom was told to wait somewhere else. So, I was left to my own devices. The lady had me sign my name on a few papers. Was left alone and then called in to take my blood pressure. I was pretty nervous. She put some eyedrops. Told to wait outside. Got called in again and then asked to pee in a cup. I laughed. But peed anyway. Then I got sent in. There was piano melodies playing. This was hell, I thought.
Lied down and tried to relax. A guy came over and tapped the back of my hand to get my veins popping out of my hand. He inserted that shit in (fucker hurt for like ohhhh, ten seconds?). Then he put some clear tube thing in my nose.
And then he came back and said that I'd feel something cold being put in. I shrugged and waited. And then next thing you know, I'm waking up very fucking hazy and moaning. My mouth was fucking DRY as a motherfucker! I asked if I had my operation and that I was so very thirsty. Then I dozed off. Woke up and saw my mom at my side. Asked if she was really there. She nodded and said yes.
Melissa Ferrick-One Of A Kind
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Bundle of nerves
Evanescence-My Immortal
I tried being put to sleep. But he said that there is a chance I might not wake up. I told my mom this and she laughed. Laughed!
<.<
Mom informed me on Monday that on Wednesday, I'm having surgery.
I felt surprised but I shrugged it off. I figured it would fully hit me on Tuesday.
And boy, did it!
I'm kind of worried about the incision. They assured me that I'm not going to feel anything but still, there's still that worry.
I'm worried of hearing the Doctors speaking about cutting and "give me this and give me this".
No one wants to hear that shit.
I read somewhere that you can bring in your mp3 player. I mentioned it to mom and she said it was stupid.
Whatever.
If I am allowed to listen to my mp3 player, I'll play some Lee Blaske.
In fact, I'm going to bed right now and I might just listen to his music before drifting off to sleep (hopefully!).
I'm talking to Bethany and she's calming me down. Distracting me and yet being supportive.
Love her. Oh, so much.
I think I finally found my Morticia Addams ^.^
So, I'm going to head off to bed now. Get this shit over with. Hopefully, the Dr or nurses will let me bring in my mp3 player and hopefully they will walk me through the procedure.
Mom is up and I should probably go to bed.
Evanescence-Hello
I tried being put to sleep. But he said that there is a chance I might not wake up. I told my mom this and she laughed. Laughed!
<.<
Mom informed me on Monday that on Wednesday, I'm having surgery.
I felt surprised but I shrugged it off. I figured it would fully hit me on Tuesday.
And boy, did it!
I'm kind of worried about the incision. They assured me that I'm not going to feel anything but still, there's still that worry.
I'm worried of hearing the Doctors speaking about cutting and "give me this and give me this".
No one wants to hear that shit.
I read somewhere that you can bring in your mp3 player. I mentioned it to mom and she said it was stupid.
Whatever.
If I am allowed to listen to my mp3 player, I'll play some Lee Blaske.
In fact, I'm going to bed right now and I might just listen to his music before drifting off to sleep (hopefully!).
I'm talking to Bethany and she's calming me down. Distracting me and yet being supportive.
Love her. Oh, so much.
I think I finally found my Morticia Addams ^.^
So, I'm going to head off to bed now. Get this shit over with. Hopefully, the Dr or nurses will let me bring in my mp3 player and hopefully they will walk me through the procedure.
Mom is up and I should probably go to bed.
Evanescence-Hello
Here goes nothing!
Jen Foster-She
So, I have cataracts. I've had it all of my life and no one has said anything. Ugh.
I was supposed to do it last year but then that bitch happened and I thought I was going to go do it in Chicago.
I don't wanna dwell on that subject. Right now. I'll save it for another post.
So, I have surgery today. At ten in the morning. I have to be up at eight or seven. Van is gonna come and take me to the thing and then drop me off home when all is done.
So, they're going to put eye drops to numb my eye and then suck out the cataract.
That's all I remember anyway.
So, I have cataracts. I've had it all of my life and no one has said anything. Ugh.
I was supposed to do it last year but then that bitch happened and I thought I was going to go do it in Chicago.
I don't wanna dwell on that subject. Right now. I'll save it for another post.
So, I have surgery today. At ten in the morning. I have to be up at eight or seven. Van is gonna come and take me to the thing and then drop me off home when all is done.
So, they're going to put eye drops to numb my eye and then suck out the cataract.
That's all I remember anyway.
Monday, February 4, 2013
Why I haven't been posting lately and brief updates
One-Eyed Doll-New Orleans
I haven't been posting because my computer crashed three weeks ago. I haven't posted in December because there was really nothing to post about.
I haven't been posting because my computer crashed three weeks ago. I haven't posted in December because there was really nothing to post about.
X-mas went well. Drank whiskey (and fucking choked with water in my eyes and all!). Drank Shock Top (YUM!!!!!!! Going to be buying this for now on!) and then watched TNBC. Wasn't planned or anything. It was already on Netflix.
I got like three or four striped stockings (none of them b/w!). I got two plastic cups with a cover top and straw. I got a tiny bag (don't now what I'm going to put in). Two Jack (from TNBC) t-shirts.
Brother got my headphones (the good kind! He even wrote "I LOVE YOU CRYSTAL <3" on the box. Mom threw it away.
That's it.
I expected and wanted the cups (So, I don't have to fucking drop it when I'm in bed or my nephew when he's jumping about), headphones and stockings.
I didn't expect (and want) that other stuff. I think the bag was like a dollar or something. Why would I want that?
New Years was okay too. Did some shots. It was cool.
And two weeks later, my computer crashed.
Lost six chapters and music. I can get the music again. No big deal. The chapters...I can not get back. So, I have to whip out the words from my memory.
I'll write what happened in the chapters in my "Vampiress" blog.
Bethany introduced me to a new band (One-Eyed Doll).
Bethany and I are more than friends thanks to DarkSpiral who suggested we "date already".
That's when Beth and I realized we had more feelings than friendship.
She's quite a looker. I can see her with me (OH WHUUUUT! Was that confidence?!?!?!?!?)
:P
I'm so fucking happy that 2012 is done and over with. The only thing that came out of it was Emilie Autumn releasing a new CD after seven fucking years. And I graduated High School.
2013 will be MY fucking year! Why? Because I'm going to publish my novel.
Lucky 13!!!!!
Collide-Letting Go
New Years was okay too. Did some shots. It was cool.
And two weeks later, my computer crashed.
Lost six chapters and music. I can get the music again. No big deal. The chapters...I can not get back. So, I have to whip out the words from my memory.
I'll write what happened in the chapters in my "Vampiress" blog.
Bethany introduced me to a new band (One-Eyed Doll).
Bethany and I are more than friends thanks to DarkSpiral who suggested we "date already".
That's when Beth and I realized we had more feelings than friendship.
She's quite a looker. I can see her with me (OH WHUUUUT! Was that confidence?!?!?!?!?)
:P
I'm so fucking happy that 2012 is done and over with. The only thing that came out of it was Emilie Autumn releasing a new CD after seven fucking years. And I graduated High School.
2013 will be MY fucking year! Why? Because I'm going to publish my novel.
Lucky 13!!!!!
Collide-Letting Go
First poem written FOR ME :D
Done! ^.^ It may not be the best, but I'm rather impressed with it myself. And you better catch the little bit at the end. lol
May I present to you, the first ever poem written all for you.
Perfect Night
Lying under a tall tree
Bathing in the pale moonlight
Finally here alone with you
This is a perfect night
My hand creeps across the grass
Searching for another to hold
Then I feel our fingers entwine
And our heartbeats increase tenfold
We both move in even closer
Our lips finally making contact
Without paper and without ink
Signing a nonverbal contract
Lost to a temporary euphoria
That neither of us wants to end
Gone to a heaven from which
We never wish to descend
Through actions alone we speak
Never questioning their meaning
Just one simple sentence is needed
Are you still breathing?
May I present to you, the first ever poem written all for you.
Perfect Night
Lying under a tall tree
Bathing in the pale moonlight
Finally here alone with you
This is a perfect night
My hand creeps across the grass
Searching for another to hold
Then I feel our fingers entwine
And our heartbeats increase tenfold
We both move in even closer
Our lips finally making contact
Without paper and without ink
Signing a nonverbal contract
Lost to a temporary euphoria
That neither of us wants to end
Gone to a heaven from which
We never wish to descend
Through actions alone we speak
Never questioning their meaning
Just one simple sentence is needed
Are you still breathing?
Tired of my Oracle deck
Jen Foster-Taken
Once I get my own room (won't happen until later this year), I'd be doing things much more and freely.
So, that's on hold.
Oh and I just purchased The Tarot Of Vampyres. The seller e-mailed me back, saying it was out of stock.
So I looked at the "Used" section and then found a new seller with product info. It stated that it wasn't used or opened. Even still has the shrinkwrap! But the box is dented. From what the reviews I've read up on, the box isn't really worth anything.
*Squeals* I bought it! It's $16.99
A bit more than .64 but it's still under $20-30
I'm going to get my very first tarot deck!
I don't know, I'm just tired of my Shadows & Light deck. I love it and it's so fucking errily accurate but I want a more darker deck.
The artwork is a bit dark but I want it darker (and the language of the guidebook is too...light for me) like vampires!
And from what I've read of the guidebook (and people talking about it), it's just what I am looking for.
Jen Foster-Ordinary Girl
Once I get my own room (won't happen until later this year), I'd be doing things much more and freely.
So, that's on hold.
Oh and I just purchased The Tarot Of Vampyres. The seller e-mailed me back, saying it was out of stock.
So I looked at the "Used" section and then found a new seller with product info. It stated that it wasn't used or opened. Even still has the shrinkwrap! But the box is dented. From what the reviews I've read up on, the box isn't really worth anything.
*Squeals* I bought it! It's $16.99
A bit more than .64 but it's still under $20-30
I'm going to get my very first tarot deck!
I don't know, I'm just tired of my Shadows & Light deck. I love it and it's so fucking errily accurate but I want a more darker deck.
The artwork is a bit dark but I want it darker (and the language of the guidebook is too...light for me) like vampires!
And from what I've read of the guidebook (and people talking about it), it's just what I am looking for.
Jen Foster-Ordinary Girl
Will possibly be opening a new section
Evanescence-Taking Over Me
I've been consindering opening up a new Blog. And that blog will deal with my Daily Tarot/Oracle readings.
But I haven't using my oracle cards daily. I think it's because my mom always has the TV on in the room (the room is my Sanctuary) and I need it to be quiet and no distractions. Which is also why I haven't been doing Yoga.
I've been consindering opening up a new Blog. And that blog will deal with my Daily Tarot/Oracle readings.
But I haven't using my oracle cards daily. I think it's because my mom always has the TV on in the room (the room is my Sanctuary) and I need it to be quiet and no distractions. Which is also why I haven't been doing Yoga.
Melissa Ferrick-Drive
This customer service chick named "Missy N." from Amazon, fucking rocks!
This customer service chick named "Missy N." from Amazon, fucking rocks!
Asked for her advice on buying two items. And she suggested I tell my mom that's it's a "balance" on those two purchases.
Balance, meaning in price. I mean, The Tarot Of Vampyres is like $30 in Barnes And Noble!
Why the fuck am I going to pay $30 (plus fucking tax! and then I'm probably gonna go get something to drink because I get thirsty after being in there) when I could just pay $$12.65 (Order Total: $16.64 at check-out!) for it?
Common sense. So, whatever. I'm going to get it. I just need to get a reply from the seller if the item comes with the deck.
As for the CD, I could just wait. Don't need a CD like pronto! It would be nice to have music to go with it but it's not that urgent.
I won't get a book because she said no. Plus, I need to finish all the other 3 books first. I just...don't like to read when my mom is in the room. I need it to be really quiet. Excluding music.
And look, I got an e-mail from her (it happens when you chat with someone. They have to e-mail you).
She states:
I do wish you all the luck in the world with your Mom. I hope she understands your reasons for what you want and need.
So, that's sweet ^.^
The music I can hold off on. At LEAST until I get my own room. And I can hold off on the posters too.
So, I'm gonna get a movie now.
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